Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Goodwill presents Jewels Fit for a Queen (or Empress)


The Empress did not win the fabulous multi-jeweled necklace of fake Bedazzled® gewgaws shown in her last post. The Empress' subjects may do her bidding, but no one does her eBay bidding for her, and alas, she was distracted by more pressing state concerns such as (1) which Burt Bacharach song Jens Lekman would sing at a stranger's wedding, (2)  how to hide the evidence of her eating chunky peanut butter straight from the jar from the Duchess of Dolmas, and  (3) whether to dress as a 14 year old cowgirl or Black Swan for the Oscars. So the Empress lost the auction for the Mega-Bauble by 50 cents, or the equivalent of one Twix bar, legal tender in the Empire. Looking back, it is now evident that the stars were not aligned that day for a reason. There were more Empressy things to come at Goodwill. Just take a gander at these beauties, fit for coronations, galas, and workouts at the gym to get that peanut butter off the Empress' hips.

 The Empress' annual Birthday Month is on the horizon, when the Royal Court gathers to protest the unfairness of the Gregorian calendar's alteration of the Julian calendar, and resulting loss to the world of a whole day. The Empress says "a pox on this algorithm" and throws herself down on her ermine duvet cover in a hissy fit worthy only of pampered royalty. Check out the flawed math:

if year modulo 400 is 0
       then is_leap_yearelse if year modulo 100 is 0
       then not_leap_yearelse if year modulo 4 is 0
       then is_leap_yearelse
       not_leap_year
Wrrite your own protest on Wiki - Leapyear Cheats The Empress

If you want to make it up to the Empress, you can bid on these earrings -- real diamonds, gold and emeralds, at SF Goodwill link to auction of earrings rightfully belonging to the Empress.

Holy Bobbins and Broomsticks, these earrings go for only $2,999.00 -- or 5,598 Twix bars. Dogdangit -- The Empress will have to increase the rents on the serfs' demesnes.

2 comments:

  1. A twix bar cost 50 cents back when I was ten, but it'll set you back almost twice that now. I know this mostly because candy bars have been my index for tracking inflation over the years (truth).

    you could justify the earrings if you were to dress up as colin firth's wife in the king's speech, eh?

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  2. Wow! And I thought those earrings were a birthday present for ME! Now, I have to look up demenses. Arrgggh. I'm still old school and know how to look up words in a dictionary.

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