I wish I could say that this post is back by popular demand, but that would violate the cone of truthiness between the Empress and her two readers. The Empress has a hard time disguising herself since the rhinestone points of her tiara poke through the Trilby hat and her flowing robes drag on the floor under her trench coat. But due to her passion for Goodwill, and all things thrift, the Empress accepted her mission to be a mole embedded with the enemy -- the crack-like discount auction sites that have their own alarms to alert vulnerable shoppers when to start the on-line mob scene. Going on Gilt.com at 9:00 PST is like pummeling your way through T.J. Maxx when someone announces Fendi bags over the sound system, which is not protected speech under the First Amendment because it incites violence. The resulting PSTD has kept the Empress cowering in the corner of her closet trying to forget the bloodbath otherwise known as Christmas shopping.
What could lure her out of her hidey-hole? Only one thing could make her crawl out from the dust bunnies and old shoes, not to mention the ratty leg warmers left over from the Eighties, and the Aughts (yes, look it up)(how could this fashion mistake rear its ugly head twice in the Empress lifetime? Answer: the Empress has some miles on her). That one thing is Shiny Objects. Place one in the Empress' peripheral view, and ...wait, what was that, I can't focus now that this shiny thing with a million other shiny things appears before me.
Now I hear the Jersey Boys soundtrack, and Frankie Valli, or his imitator in that show, crooning "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You and here's the part that is Too Good to Be True -- this is on SF Goodwill's eBay site right at this minute. The Empress is even bidding on itrather than declaring eminent domain over it, as she could since all crown jewels inure to her as Head of State in the Empire of Fabulous Thrift Finds.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290519791725&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT
The Empress has many talents, here is the evidence that she knows how to write, and how. Oh, and hear she shows she knows the the great art of imitation, or is she just dissembling? Only those of a certain age can tell with certainty.
ReplyDeleteit was a thing of beauty fit for the empress.
ReplyDeletethen again, you don't need the jewels to make you uber-glamorous.
love, gilly (empress-in-training?)