If you have overdosed on endorphins, this blog is for you.This week's blog is the equivalent of washing down twoTylenol PMswith a double dose ofNyquil, and aBoone's Farm Apple Winechaser. It is not for the faint of heart,or anyone collecting Plain White Tee cds in the remainders bin. After all the hearts and flowers of Valentine's Day, we need a shot of reality, and the Empress decided to dive into the brittle abyss of naysayers today. Why? Because she can. And will. And she was distressed by theSF Goodwill eBay site, which she studies like an Arachnologist with a tarantula pinned to the felt board ((look up spider expert in the urban dictionary for fun: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Spider%20Expert.)
IfRod Stewartwas right about something other than predicting the rise of gelled hair, it was thatEvery Picture Tells a Story. On SF Goodwill eBay, it's a sad story with a Burt Bacharach hook: "What do you get when you fall in love?" Hopefully, a receipt, so you don't have to donate the heart totems someone gave you on Valentine's Day because (1)You Felt they weren't "The One," (2)You Saw them on To Catch a Predator,(3)You Knew They Done You Wrong (see No.(1)), or (4)You Thought They'd Look More Like their Photo on Match.com.
Valentine's Dayis like a hologram. Some years you look at it and it's all shiny and littered with little Brach's Conversation Hearts and tiny paper cards in your milk carton Valentine box, and you rifle through them and YES, there is one from your third grade crush, Ricky Batesole, even if his mother signed it because everyone knows Ricky can't read or write yet, but he rules at Red Rover. Other years, you look at it and -- meh -- it's treacly and sticky and the cards are all sappy and $4.99, and you go into See's Candies for inspiration and buy candy, but then they give you one sample and it turns out to be... a Rum Nougat instead of a California Brittle, and you sit on the curb outside and eat it anyway and carry that fake rum flavour around all day.
It's a schizophrenic holiday, and Holly GoLightly
would have no part of it. She was too cool and thin to eat Rum Nougat or fawn over trinkets. She made "no-name slob" sound glamorous:
“Holly: I'll never let anyone put me in a cage!
Paul:I don't wanna put you in a cage, I wanna love you. Holly: Same thing! Paul:No it's not, Holly-- Holly: I'm not Holly! I'm not Lula Mae either. I don't know who I am. I'm like Cat here. We're a couple of no-name slobs. We belong to nobody, and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to each other.”
Who doesn't love Breakfast at Tiffany's(and I don't mean that cheap rip off of a song by Deep Blue Something or Other, and I remember we all Kinda Hated it). On Valentine's Day, the Empress wishes that Truman Capote were alive and spoke to her in his best high pitched Southern voice,"Sugar, I only buy the finest thangs, and I will simply die if you don't let me take you to Goodwill for an iconic bracelet for your very ladylike wrist."Because San Francisco would welcome Truman with open arms and Mint Juleps, and SF Goodwill would have the perfect item for the Empress on V-Day, a Tiffany's bracelet at a Goodwill price:
Go out and have a lovely Valentine's Day with your partner, your pal or your pet. And if you see Ricky Batesole, tell him I said "hey."
P.S. On second thought rip Ricky's lungs out for me. I just remembered that he fed my pet hamster to his pet snake, and this is not acceptable even on Valentine's Day. If you are reading this, Ricky, you are a pig and we will get you when we have the show trials.
Shop More, Spend Less, Help Others.
Here are some of my best finds at Goodwill and the Humane Society. Less cash, more cache'
The Empress of Thrift Reveals Herself
Why the Empress of Thrift
I have thrifted and rummaged all my life. Now I work with Goodwill in the San Francisco Bay Area. Kismet. I decided to throw down a challenge to myself -- buy only thrift clothes for six months. It turned out that this was not deprivation, it was freedom from catalogs, shop windows and commercials. Bonus: it is a fun game. I like treasure hunting through thrift stores and finding items I might not have bought at retail. Some of these items were mistakes (okay, the 50's pink plaid mohair coat turned me into fuzzy Heffalump), but even when they were, I had more flair in my fashion and I re-donated the items for a new sale and $$ for the thrift store cause.
I shop at all Goodwill stores in the Bay Area, especially the boutique stores at West Portal and Menlo Park. I also shop at the Peninsula Humane Society store, Pick of the Litter, in Burlingame. See links to locations below.
If Rod Stewart was right about something other than predicting the rise of gelled hair, it was that Every Picture Tells a Story. On SF Goodwill eBay, it's a sad story with a Burt Bacharach hook: "What do you get when you fall in love?" Hopefully, a receipt, so you don't have to donate the heart totems someone gave you on Valentine's Day because (1) You Felt they weren't "The One," (2) You Saw them on To Catch a Predator, (3) You Knew They Done You Wrong (see No. (1)), or (4) You Thought They'd Look More Like their Photo on Match.com.
