What does the Empress of Scandinavia wear on St. Patty's Day?

Being of Scandinavian Royal Blood, the Empress tends to wrap herself in blue, yellow, white and red.

The Empress salutes all ethnic cultures (except those with rules about pure truth-telling -- oh wait that's ethical cultures). But it seems unseemly for a non-Irish descendant to go about one day a year in dangly Celtic jewelry, a clannish plaid kilt, drinking sour mash, and tilting up at the end of each sentence like she's asking a question instead of answering one: "Aye, begoren, and hawarye I'm drinkin sto-(inflection up here mid-word) ut." And I must confess that there is almost nothing as vile as the uranium-laced powder left at the bottom of the box of Lucky Charms (my brother snorted it through middle school and still sets off security alarms at the airport).

So, not wanting to get pinched under any meaning of that versatile word, but ambivalent about the wearin' of the green, the Empress dons a muted drab olive BCBG sweater from Goodwill, which will stretch nicely after she gorges on boiled cabbage and potatos, and dense salty Irish Soda Bread, washed down with Baileys and a Diet Coke chaser.