The Empress of Thrift at the Movie Premier: The 500 Skirts of Summer

In the Summer, The Empress comes unstuck in time, and she regresses to the 9th grade, the year before her high school first allowed girls to wear PANTS. And this was not a private school with adorable uniforms, but a public high school whose principal made girls kneel to make sure that their skirts touched the floor. Yes, the Empress speaketh of olden times --  she might as well be explaining how to administer smelling salts and belladonna when your corset stops your blood flow during a quadrille.  (The Empress is so old that she has enlarged the font so that her two wizened cronies can read this blog if they so choose.) So the Empress never completely adapted to pants, and adheres more to the Betty Rubble and Betty Draper schools of fashion. So here are just some of the Empress' skirts for Summer from Goodwill and thrift stores:




Another reason to collect skirts: Science dictates skirts provide nature's best Summer cooling system.  The first law of thermodynamics, which mandates conservation of energy, and states in particular that the flow of heat is a form of transfer energy. For all you physics tyros, here is a simple explanation of this phenomenon: 

Here is a diagram of how this cooling system works:

And here is a visual of how this cooling system works:

Here is a visual of how this system does not work because skirts are not meant for actresses who steal literary names then parade around in their twee skirts and break Joseph Gordon-Levitt's heart in The 500 Days of Summer. Yes, I am talking about Zooey Deschanel, who is ultra-precious in her 100% cotton, and bears no resemblance to the real Zooey, who was an older brother who was a genius who at the age of twelve and had "a vocabulary on an exact par with Mary Baker Eddy's" and once said, "I'm so sick of pedants and conceited little tearer-downers I could scream." J.D. Salinger See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Baker_Eddy

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THIS is not the real Zooey. If you see her, please report her to the keepers of J.D. Salinger's flame immediately.

Arrested for Excessive Twee-ism

Stay cool this Summer with your A-line, balloon, cargo, circle, dirndl, flared, full, jean,mini, midi, maxi, pencil, pleated, poodle, prairie, , tube, tulip, and wraparound skirts. 

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